PART 1
(Roll Sloppy Love Jingle Sequence 1. Action!)
Bartender!
"Yeah I hear your wise ass, give me a minute."
I'm trying to get this round over here
"What do you think I'm just working for you here?"
Actually, will you, will you send a drink, to the lady at the end of the bar? Yeah that one right there
"Here you are miss."
Yeah, yeah. It's on me. Tell her it's from Travie
"It's from this guy over here."
From the second she shimmied in
I was intrigued by her essence
And my first instincts to make sure that my presence was felt
Simple and plain
I'm probably jumping the train
But all I could see was my name engraved on her belt
Hit the pause button
Damn!
I don't even know this girl
And I'm already practicing my sweet-nothings
But that's a classic trait of a soft-spoken, heart-broken, fellow like my self best believe (pussy)
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve
But that night the Jagermeister had my sleeves rolled up
Wait a minute, hold up
I think she caught me grillin' now I'm spillin' my drink (don't look don't look)
I knew our feelings were in sync so now she gave me the wink
The only problem is, I'm not your ordinary, average Romeo
A Cyrano de Bergerac (shut the fuck up)
In fact, I remember back in fifth grade
I tried to read the book of love, but sadly
The introduction didn't grab me
So I left it on the shelf and kept moving
Assuming that this planet rotates
I'll just procrastinate until the day I bump into my soulmate
Who would've thunk I would be pissy ass drunk when time came for collision
So I made the decision to just keep my composure (cool cool)
Until she started getting closer
And then I felt this weird feeling underneath my left shoulder, and then I
Slipped, tripped, busted my lip and fell in love
The minute that she stepped in the door
The type of girl I'd have to make a couple mix tapes for
To me she equaled MC squared and everything else was mathematics
I never took the time to practice
PART 2
(I think we're ready for eh, the second installment of the Sloppy Love Jingle. Roll it. Action!)
Ok, continued
What's next upon the menu?
Hmm, maybe I should crack a joke
Attack and ask her if she smokes
Cause I can't seem to find my matches
And that could break the ice but
I'm a bad actress with three lighters I acquired the previous night
And there I was do or die
She was approximately five feet away from my frame
So I decided to take a stride, swallow my pride, tellin' her my name like
Hello miss, my name is Travis
Just a ordinary cat, I'm into art and fuzzy rabbits, kinda smart with a big heart, you can have it
See you find that funny
I'd love to buy you a drink but I got bent and spent my money
But would you kindly accept a raincheck
Perhaps some deep chit chat
She didn't think twice, nodded her head and said "I'm with that"
By the way do you have some matches?
She's like, "no, but there's a lighter right in front of you"
And now we both giggling
This girl's so crazy, got my gullet jiggling
Fiddling with my feelings like an out of tune piano
Like I'm on ritalin
The way she's got my undivided attention dismissin' any thoughts of lettin' this one get away
PART 3
The bombs been detonated
I'm just waitin' for an explosion, I was just waitin' on 2nd and it was time for me to close in on 3rd
With blurred vision and in, precisely placed slurred words we started kissin'
Man listen, it was like a scene from a very bad B movie with a very low budget
But fuck it, I was drunk and I admit I loved it
Every last second, I couldn't kill that thought of us butt ass naked
Tele' surfin' with the fan on, chattin' about the session and, slowly gettin' into some closet skeleton confessions
That's when, she made a offer that I couldn't refuse
And chills went up and down my legs like Samoan tattoos
She said she had a pad that wasn't too far away, and said she'd love if I stayed 'til the following day
So it was time to exit stage left, I made my rounds, gave my pounds and hugs, gathered my thoughts and took a deep breath
And now we're walkin' to the door but, right before we stepped outside she bought me one more
And now I'm feelin' it, I had my had down my pocket but she's stealing it
With our fingers in a locket and as we're walkin' down Exchange Street, with
Our hearts pitter pattering to the same beat
And then she popped the question like "Trav, you evah been in love?" I'm like "pshhh not that I recall"
Well there was one situation, but I didn't have the patience, or the balls to say it and everytime I tried I just digitally delayed it
And it sounded like something blah blah blah blah, man my speach impetement left my heart vacant without a single resident
The first tenant got evicted the second she settled in, I seen her the other day riding my bike and kept peddlin'
If it wasn't for meddlin' kids would love even exist nope, if it wasn't for alcohol would I even be saying this nope
She probably took offense, I probably started gettin' sober cause she started gettin' ugly and I think probably told her
Then my feet got heavy, I started drippin' sweat, knew I was gettin' into something I'd probably regret
Right when I lit the cigarette I caught a case of the spins, and started wishin' I was still at the bar with my friends
And then it happened, I fell flat on my face
When I awoke I found I was in a very strange place
I must've got my wish granted cause I was butt ass naked, but the only downside was that the room was very vacant
Except next to the bed there was this note on the dresser, while I'm tryin' to deal with this hangover head pressure
With a smile I grabbed the note, lit a smoke and sat back, "Dear whoever, lose my number P.S. the sex was wack"
