[Produced by Frank Dukes]
[Joell Ortiz]
Yeah, dear Lord, why do I feel how I feel?
I could move a thousand bundles of krills (uh-huh)
I could hit the lottery for a mil', money no longer make me smile
It's wild, stress hurt like buryin your first child
I'm really losin my drive to do this music
If it don't happen after this, I'm through wit it (done)
25, still live at my mom crib, two kids
Ever heard that sayin "So smart you're stupid"?
That's me, fourteen and change on my S.A.T.'s
Chose the project over college, what a fuck up
On the block hollerin at bitches like "Fuck you, you stuck up"
But what could a shorty see in a jerk, a man when she leave?
A man when she get back from work, what am I worth? (huh?)
Then they said my pen could get me out the P's
But he been away for five, so he don't see what I see
Mom's like "Turn that down, I can't hear my TV (shit)
Worryin about them beats, I ain't raised no deadbeats
Better find you a application boy, get up on your feet"
Though Mickie-D's was dirty, my rhyme book was neat
Plus I ink my heart and soul in them sheets
But uhh, holla at me though (word) I'm so unhappy yo
Don't wanna be the dude in the barbershop that coulda made it (nah)
In a cypher with young boys spittin shit that's outdated
And them niggas walkin away like homie was overrated
Life ain't a bitch, life is life and I hate it
Never tried suicide, I ain't got the heart to pull it
Know your brain feel pain when it's stained by that bullet (whoa)
I don't wanna live, yet I don't wanna die (die)
And have God say "You was about to do it Joell, why?" (why)
Daddy, do you even care that yo' boy is still alive?
Ain't seen you since '83, hello to you too (damn)
Guess I was unimportant, and you had to do you
Sad that I had to guess, that just added to my stress
Moms did her best, naw fuck that! I don't get it
How could you just go and forget that I existed? (your son)
Guess I'm not like you, cause I ain't a punk (nope)
I don't run away from problems, I solve 'em and man up
Mom's said I got a step-brother named Jamel
A older sister as well, forgot her name
Why did we never meet? I was the only child (uh-huh)
Who wasn't an only child (uh-huh) who felt lonely, wow (wow)
How can I tell my sons about a grandpa I ain't know?
I'm done with you yo, next topic
I miss you James, I seen your daughters last month, they gettin big (yeah)
I know you surprised in heaven that Yvette had a kid (ha ha)
Wish we could sip, one more blue-y together
In that RX-7, we all smelt like gas (ha ha)
Still we hopped in the pool, shopped off and harass
P.A. ain't the same without you
Whenever me and P.O. get bent, that's my word, we think about you
Rollin up your sleeve, that's when we knew you was drunk
Remember that time your armpit had that yellowish stuff? (ha ha)
What the fuck was that? Be proud of me, I'm comin up in rap
Just waitin on my dough, you know the biz
What up with Miz? Tell that nigga I said whattup
DeVon gettin better in B-ball, his tall ass tryin to dunk
Through this gift right here, I promise to stay in touch
One, when will this bus come? Been waitin on this ride for years (years)
All my shirts is stiff, from the driest tears
What the fuck? I'm nice, the world need to know
The comments on HipHopGame say "Honestly, he should blow" (Joell)
All these meetings is lame, every one is the same (where we goin?)
I pop in my demo and everyone goes insane
Walk out the buildin, head higher than cocaine
Only for me to never ever hear from them again (damn)
That's why I contemplate puttin my pen away
But I don't, cause muh'fuckers did the same shit to Jay (word)
Coincidence? Nah, I don't believe in those
Shit happens for a reason, if this was meant, I'll know
What do I got to do Lord? My songs is tight (uh-huh)
My shows is jam-packed, I'm hip-hop's anthrax (sick)
Nobody can touch me but I'm still in the hood
How could you leave me around danger when your boy's this good?
Patience is a virtue but enough is enough
By the time I get on I'll be too tired to celebrate
Yeah I know I'm lyin, I'll wake up when I get that cake (ha ha)
First thing I'll cop is a plane ticket and escape (fly)
I don't care where, just far away from here (gone)
Turn my phone off, unfold my beach chair and just stare
(Look at this shit) Like hell yeah, life
Told you we twinkle our toes in the sand that's white
Last one to the ocean is weak
And swim in the water that's clear enough to stand up and see your feet
But that's only if, if "If" was a CEO
We'd all have a deal (huh) we'd all sell a mil' (word)
I'm talkin to underdogs who feel how I feel
Well y'all can't feel how I feel, but you know what I mean
Right now I can only write about the things I've seen
Sounds sad but, I could fit that in a sixteen
The furthest I've been was L.A. for a couple of days
Can't front, the plane was smoother than the front of the train (ha ha)
But anyway, everything ain't okay
I'm tryin live for today, but tomorrow's a repeat of yesterday
Same shit, different Pamper
Another letdown, but they disguise it this time with a different answer
The game's scared to gamble and they know I'm nice
How you gon' double up yo' dough if you don't roll them dice?
It's a 50/50 chance, but in my case, it's 99 to 1 (one)
The one's what I'm gon' say when I'm done havin fun with these tracks
Cause yes, it's so so easy
Like readin the Good Book in a room with no TV
No I'm not braggin, just a confident kid
That ain't reapin the benefits he deserved for conquerin this
This meanin the crowd (crowd) the art (art)
Hip-Hop itself, I am +The One+, Neo is my son
People, I'm from the bottom just like you
If you ain't from the bottom, no offense but are not who I write to (nah)
I'm the underdog's underdog, I love the odds (love 'em)
Shorty feels so much better when the road was hard (ahh)
I can't wait, literally
I'm the epitome of what a real MC nigga should be
Follow me (Joell Ortiz)
Cooper Projects man, Williamsburg, Bushwick
Green Point, Queens man, Corona man
Elmhearst, anywhere on the BQE man
That's mine man, Block Royal!
