[Verse 1]
My name's Seymour Butts, I wanna see more butts
Who has more sex-related outbursts than a lemur does
A guy who can pop a boner from the goo that's in a papaya
Who's lately got his sights on a piece of ass named Mariah
The way her booty's lumping in those jeans has me turned on
And when I see it shaking, it's like everything I've learned's gone
My mouth starts watering and drool drips down my neck
I zone out and I come back in when I hear, "What the heck?"
I look down and I find I've got my hand down her pants
And the promptness of the moment is hotter than fire ants
She asks, "What the fuck are you doing? Are you retarded?
I hope you're still turned on after knowing I farted"
She starts bugging out when I hurriedly sniff my hand
To see if I can still smell what's left over from her can
She says, "You're fucking nasty, get away from me, you freak"
But I was already erect when I found out that my fingers reeked
I stuck my pinkie up my nose hoping to smell more butthole juice
"Can I stick it down there again?" and she said, "What? No, ew!"
Later, I was sitting at the bar feeling frustrated
None of those asses could dance the way she gyrated
But finally, I noticed her, and I screamed, "Hallelujah!"
And immediately my pupils were on that tooter
I ran onto the dance-floor and said, "Can we start over again?
I got a little crazy there, but I wanna be your friend"
She said that it's okay and I was forgiven
But I guess that at that point it wasn't a good time to give in
I pulled open her pants again and knuckled at her ass-crack
She turned around and slapped me and that slimy bitch had her sass back
It smelt so fucking good I stuck my meathook down my mouth
I wanted to swallow it whole and I wouldn't take it out
I said, "I'm sorry, honey", then I kicked her in the cunt
As hard as I fucking could like I was doing a punt
I picked her sweet ass up and put her on my shoulder
That's when I realized that fat slut was heavier than a boulder
When I finally lugged her out back, I muscled out, "How fat are you?"
She said embarrassingly, "Hey, I'm only one hundred and eighty two
"But you looked so skinny, you humongous whore"
"My body's one-hundred and eighteen; my ass makes up for that sixty-four"
My eyes dilated like I was fearing a robber
I was so fucking turned on my jaw began to slobber
[Chorus (2x)]
Mariah, sweet baby, you've got a nice ass
How would you like to perform acrobats all over my nads?
[Verse 2]
I had a bigger erection than I'd ever had before
I couldn't stop eyeballing those denims that she wore
I brought her to the ground and I pulled those jeans down
I wanted to bury my nose so far in her crack that it'd be brown
But then she kicked me in the face and said, "I'm a master of kung-fu
MMA, Krav Maga, karate, and jiu-jitsu"
She said, "Hey, if you like my ass so much, then take it"
And she plopped it on my face so damn hard, it was like an earthquake hit
That sure as hell broke my nose if it hadn't broken from the kick
She said from atop me, "Lick, you bastard, lick!
Tongue my fucking shitter 'til I can't fart no more
And maybe after I'll think about getting off you, you whore"
I was so excited that I found myself unable to breathe
Or maybe that was just the smother, but no, I wouldn't concede
The only job done is a job done right
And Mariah, baby, you're getting your ass eaten tonight
"I stopped at Taco Bell before I danced here," Mariah said happily
And she farted so wetly that I thought she had crapped on me
The fumes entered my nostrils and my boner sprung up
I got so fucking excited that I stuck my tongue up
I licked up the inner crevices of her asshole
She was the queen at her throne, like it was a fucking castle
She practically neutered me right there by stomping on my nuts
And it was almost as awesome as her fat, squishy butt
My nose was breaking and bleeding and her ass was exceeding
Expectations, such exultation, and finally I was pleading
For her to leak some more toxic gas out of that hiney
She squeezed out a peeper and I said, "Come on, bitch, that was tiny!
If you wanna fucking torture me, at least make it smell
Crush my cubes with a dumbbell, and put me through hell"
"Well, there's not much in this alley, so I'm taking you to my crib
So get up you fucking faggot," and she kicked me in the rib
Holy Christ, it was broken, but the pain was divine
She burped in my mouth and she told me, "Your ass is mine
And come to think of it, if you want torture, my toilet's clogged at home"
I was so fucking hyped that there was practically foam
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
"I came in a taxi, so you're going to have to give me a ride"
I told her I'd get my car, but she just looked at me and sighed
And she kicked my goddamn ball-sack so hard that I fell
"Look, you little bastard, you said you wanted hell
So I'm riding your faggot-ass like you're a fucking horsey"
So I carried around the body of that big-butted divorcee
By the time we got to her home, I could hardly even stand
She told me I was a pussy, so I huffed and I manned
Up a little bit and I walked over to her bed
"I hope you like suffocation" and she grabbed my fucking head
And she propped me up against it and her ass swallowed my face whole
She choked me for like five minutes until I asked her to decontrol
My face was nearly purple and my erection was bulging
She thought it was torture but I considered it indulging
Just when I thought I'd die the hottest of fucking deaths
Finally I could swallow a less stinky breath
"I want to see a fart squeeze out of your bum!
And beat on my fucking nut-sack until it is fucking numb!
I wanna see your shithole up close, and smell its fucking sweat
Cause you've got the most luscious ass that I have ever met
In my whole entire life, all I've wanted was a boner-bumping
Smelly, sweaty, disgusting, despicable rump, sing
To the heavens above because I've finally got it!
But you've got to be stinkier, because I'm thinking maybe you're not it
I want the fumes to engulf me, the toot to air into my nostrils
I want your gas to smell so fucking bad that it's fucking awful
Destroy my fucking face because damn, that ass is colossal
You need to be much grosser and damn, so much more hostile"
