FADE IN:
51 EXT. DA NANG STREET, VIETNAM--DAY
Motorcycles, cars,
Vietnamese civilians. Swinging her hips with exaggerated sexiness, an
attractive HOOKER in a mini-skirt walks toward a cafe' table
on the pavement where JOKER and RAFTERMAN are seated.
Music: Nancy
Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made for Walking."
The girl stops at JOKER's table.
HOOKER
Hey, baby, you got girlfriend
Vietnam?
JOKER
Not just this minute.
HOOKER
Well, baby, me so horny. Me so horny. Me
love you long
time. You party?
JOKER
Yeah, we might party. How much?
HOOKER
Fifteen dolla.
JOKER
Fifteen dollars for
both of us?
HOOKER
No. Each you fifteen dolla. Me love
you long
time. Me so horny.
JOKER
Fifteen dollar
too boo-coo. Five dollars each.
HOOKER
Me suckee-suckee. Me love you too much.
JOKER
Five dollars
is all my mom allows me to
spend.
HOOKER
Okay! Ten
dolla each.
JOKER
What do we get for ten dollars?
HOOKER
Everything you want.
JOKER
Everything?
HOOKER
Everything.
JOKER
Well, old buddy, feel
like spending some of
your hard-earned money?
RAFTERMAN
Just a minute.
RAFTERMAN raises his Nikon and starts
photographing
JOKER and the HOOKER.
The girl strikes quick poses for the camera and
coughs.
JOKER puts his arm around her.
JOKER
You
know, half these gook whores are serving
officers in the Viet Cong.
The girl coughs again.
JOKER
The other half have got
T.B. Make sure you
only fuck the ones that cough.
A young
vietnamese boy walks up behind
RAFTERMAN and grabs the Nikon camera
from his
hands.
The boy runs to an accomplice sitting on a waiting
motorbike and tosses the camera to him. Then in
mockery the BOY
excecutes a few, Bruce Lee moves
before jumping on the bike and zooming
off:
JOKER laughs.
DISSOLVE TO
52 EXT. U.S. MARINE BASE--DAY
The main gates of the base. High-security fencing.
Tanks, jeeps,
trucks. A military helicopter lands.
DISSOLVE TO:
53 EXT. DA NANG
BASE--DAY
JOKER and RAFTERMAN walk down the base street
past rows of
hootches and other buildings. In the
background some marines play
basketball.
JOKER
That little sucker really had some
moves on
him, didn't he?
RAFTERMAN
Yeah ... You
know what really pisses me off
about these people?
JOKER
What?
RAFTERMAN
We're supposed to be
helping them and they
shit all over us every chance they get ... I
just can't feature that.
JOKER
Don't take it too hard,
Rafterman. It's just
business.
RAFTERMAN
I hate Da
Nang, Joker. I want to go out into
the field. I've been in this
country almost
three months, and all I do is take handshake
shots at awards ceremonies.
JOKER
You get wasted your
first day in the field and
it'd be my fault.
RAFTERMAN
A high school girl could do my job. I want to
get out into the shit.
I want to get some
trigger time.
JOKER
If you get
killed, your mom will find me after
I rotate back to the world and
she'll beat the
shit out of me. That's a negative, Rafterman.
54
INT. SEA-TIGER HUT--DAY
A Quonset hut. An editorial meeting of The Sea
Tiger, the official marine newspaper, is in progress
presided over by
LIEUTENANT LOCKHART.
JOKER, RAFTERMAN, and six other marine
correspondens are seated around a large messy
table covered with
cameras, photographs,
newspapers artd magazines.
LOCKHART
Okay, guys, let's keep it short and sweet
today. Anybody got
anything new?
JOKER
There's a rumor going around that
the Tet
ceasefire is gonna be cancelled.
LOCKHART
Rear-echelon paranoia.
JOKER
A bro in Intelligence says
Charlie might try to
pull off something big during the Tet holiday.
LOCKHART
They say the same thing every year.
JOKER
There's a lot of talk about it, sir.
LOCKHART
I
wouldn't lose any sleep over it. The Tet
holiday's like the Fourth
of July, Christmas
and New Year all rolled into one. Every
zipperhead in Nam, North and South, will be
banging gongs, barking
at the moon and
visiting his dead relatives.
LOCKHART
All right ...Ann-Margret and entourage are
due here next week. I
want someone to be
there on the airfield and stick with her for a
couple of days. Uh, Rafterman, you take it.
RAFTERMAN
Aye-aye, sir.
LOCKHART
Get me some good low-angle
stuff. Don't make
it too obvious, but I want to see fur and early
morning dew.
RAFTERMAN
Yes, sir.
LOCKHART
(reading)
"Diplomats in Dungarees--Marine engineers
lend a
helping hand rebuilding Dong Phuc
villages . . ." Chili, if we move
Vietnamese,
they are evacuees. If they come to us to be
evacuated, they are refugees.
CHILI
I'll make a note of
it, sir.
LOCKHART
(reading)
"N.V.A. Soldier
Deserts After Reading
Pamphlets --A young North Vietnamese Army
regular, who realized his side could not win
the war, deserted from
his unit after reading
Open Arms program pamphlets." That's good,
Dave. But why say North Vietnamese Army
regular? Is there an
irregular? How about
North Vietnamese Army soldier?
DAVE
I'll fix it up, sir.
LOCKHART
Lawrence Welk
Show's gonna go out on TV in
two weeks. Dave, do a hundred words on
it.
AFTV'll give you some background stuff.
DAVE
Yes, sir.
LOCKHART
(reading)
"Not While
We're Eating--N.V.A. learn
marines on a search and destroy mission
don't
like to be interrupted while eating chow."
Search and
destroy. Uh, we have a new
directive from M.A.F. on this. In the
future, in
place of"search and destroy," substitute the
phrase
"sweep and clear." Got it?
JOKER
Got it. Very catchy.
LOCKHART
And, Joker ... where's the weenie?
JOKER
Sir!
LOCKHART
The Kill, JOKER. The kill. I mean, all
that fire,
the grunts must've hit something.
JOKER
Didn't see 'em.
LOCKHART
Joker, I've told you, we run
two basic stories
here. Grunts who give half their pay to buy
gooks toothbrushes and deodorants--Winning
of Hearts and
Minds--okay? And combat
action that results in a kill--Winning the
War.
Now you must have seen blood trails ... drag
marks?
JOKER
It was raining, sir.
LOCKHART
Well, that's
why God passed the law of
probability. Now rewrite it and give it a
happy
ending--say, uh, one kill. Make it a sapper or
an
officer. Which?
JOKER
Whichever you say.
LOCKHART
Grunts like reading about dead officers.
JOKER
Okay, an officer. How about a general?
A few laughs.
LOCKHART
Joker, maybe you'd like our guys to read the
paper and
feel bad. I mean, in case you didn't
know it, this is not a
particularly popular war.
Now, it is our job to report the news that
these why-are-we-here civilian newsmen
ignore.
JOKER
Sir, maybe you should go out on some ops
yourself. I'm sure you
could find a lot more
blood trails and drag marks.
Some laughs.
LOCKHART
JOKER, I've had my ass in the grass. Can't say
I liked
it much. Lots of bugs and too
dangerous. As it happens, my present
duties
keep me where I belong. In the rear with the
gear.
DISSOLVE TO:
55 EXT. DA NANG BASE--DUSK
Rows of hootches. In the
distance, fireworks.
JOKER
(voiceover)
Tet.
The Year of the Monkey. Vietnamese
Lunar New Year's Eve. Down in
Dogpatch, the
gooks are shooting off fireworks to celebrate.
DISSOLVE TO:
56 INT. HOOTCH--NIGHT
JOKER, RAFTERMAN, PAYBACK and the
others are in
their bunks, reading, lazing, smoking grass. JOKER
is
writing in a notebook.
JOKER
(yawns and
stretches)
I am fucking bored to death, man. I gotta get
back
in the shit. I ain't heard a shot fired in
anger in weeks.
PAYBACK
Joker's so tough he'd eat the boogers out of a
dead
man's nose ... then ask for seconds.
Some laughs.
JOKER
(John Wayne voice)
Listen up, pilgrim. A day without blood is like
a day without sunshine.
PAYBACK
Shi-i--i-t! Joker
thinks the bad bush is
between old mama-san's legs.
Some laughs.
PAYBACK
He's never been in the shit. It's hard to talk
about
it, man. It's like on Hastings.
CHILI
Aw, you weren't
on Operation Hastings,
Payback. You weren't even in country.
PAYBACK
Eat shit and die, you fucking Spanish-
American! You
fucking poge! I was there,
man. I was in the shit with the grunts.
JOKER
(John Wayne voice)
Don't listen to any of
Payback's bullshit,
Rafterman. Sometimes he thinks he's John
Wayne.
PAYBACK
You listen to Joker, new guy. He knows
ti ti.
Very little. You know he's never been in the
shit,cause
he ain't got the stare.
RAFTERMAN
The stare?
PAYBACK
The thousand-yard stare. A marine gets it
after he's
been in the shit for too long. It's like
... it's like you've really
seen beyond. I got it.
All field marines got it. And you'll have it
too.
RAFTERMAN
I will?
STORK
Hey,
Payback. How do you stop five black
dudes from raping a white chick?
PAYBACK
Fuck you, Stork.
STORK
Throw'em a
basketball.
Laughter.
They are startled by the dull boom of mortar
shells
outside.
DAVE
Incoming.
PAYBACK
Oh, shit!
CHILI
They're outgoing.
DAVE
That ain't outgoing!
Some closer explosions, much louder.
CHILI
That ain't outgoing!
DAVE
Now what I just
say?
The men grab their helmets, flak jackets and
weapons and run
outside.
RAFTERMAN
Joker, is this for real?
JOKER
Yes, it is, Rafterman.
57 EXT. DA NANG BASE--NIGHT
Men
running everywhere. Sirens. A mortar round
lands in the distance, then
others nearer. Fires
are breaking out.
58 INT. BUNKER--NIGHT
JOKER
loads an M-60 machine gun, then hunches
down watching the main gate of
the perimeter.
JOKER
Hey, I hope they're just fucking
with us. I
ain't ready for this shit.
STORK
Amen.
The sound ofa truck approaching.
The marines get set.
The truch
smashes though the gates.
The marines open fire.
The truck is hit
by a hail of automatic fire; it
explodes and starts burning.
N.V.A.
troops follow the truck through the gate.
The attackers are cut down
by a withering fire
from the marines.
The attack peters out.
People yell, "Cease fire."
The firing trails off:
DISSOLVE TO:
59
EXT. DA NANG BASE--DAWN
JOKER and RAFTERMAN walk through the wreckage
of the night's battle.
Prisoners are led past.
LOCKHART
(voice over)
The enemy has very deceitfully taken
advantage of
the Tet ceasefire to launch an
offensive all over the country. So
far, we've
had it pretty easy here. But we seem to be
the
exception.
60 INT. SEA-TIGER OFFICE--DAWN
Dirty and still in. their
combat gear, JOKER,
RAFTERMAN, PAYBACK and the other correspondents
are slumped in, their chairs around the table.
LOCKHART
(walking)
Charlie has hit every major military target
in
Vietnam, and hit 'em hard. In Saigon, the
United States Embassy has
been overrun by
suicide squads. Khe Sahn is standing by to
be
overrun. We also have reports that a divi-
sion of N.V.A. has
occupied all of the city of
Hue south of the Perfume River. In
strate-
gic terms, Charlie's cut the country in
half... the
civilian press are about to wet
their pants and we've heard even
Cronkite's
going to say the war is now unwinnable.
In other
words, it's a huge shit sandwich,
and we're all gonna have to take a
bite.
Long, serious pause.
JOKER
Sir ... does this
mean that Ann-Margret's not
coming?
Laughter.
LOCKHART
(pissed off)
Joker.... I want you to get
straight up to Phu
Bai. Captain January will need all his people.
JOKER
Yes, sir.
LOCKHART
And Joker, you will take
off that damn button.
How's it gonna look if you get killed wearing
a peace symbol?
RAFTERMAN
Sir? Permission to go with
Joker?
LOCKHART
Permission granted.
RAFTERMAN
Thank you, sir.
JOKER
Sir, permission
not to take Rafterman with
me?
LOCKHART
You still
here? Vanish, Joker, most ricky-tick,
and take Rafterman with you.
You're
responsible for him.
61 EXT. HELICOPTER SHOTS--DAWN
A
military helicopter flies past a huge sun.
62 INT. AERIAL
HELICOPTER--DUSK
JOKER Sits looking out the door.
RAFTERMAN is
frightened and airsick.
The DOORGUNNER laughs and yells as he fires
his
M-60 machine gun.
We see Vietnamese below running and falling.
DOORGUNNER
Get some ... get some ... get some ... get
some ...
yeah ... yeah ... get some ... get
some.
After a while the
DOORGUNNER stops firing and
grins at JOKER.
DOORGUNNER
(shouting to be heard)
Anyone who runs is a V.C. Anyone who
stands still is a well-disciplined V.C.
(laughs)
You
guys oughtta do a story about me
sometime.
JOKER
Why should we do a story about you?
DOORGUNNER
Cause
I'm so fucking good! That ain't no
shit neither. I've done got me
one hundred
and fifty-seven dead gooks killed. And fifty
water
buffaloes, too. Them're all certified.
RAFTERMAN gags.
JOKER
Any women or children?
DOORGUNNER
Sometimes.
JOKER
How can you shoot women and children?
RAFTERMAN gags.
DOORGUNNER
Easy. You just don't lead 'em so much.
(laughs)
Ain't war hell?
DISSOLVE TO:
63 EXT. LZ HUE--DAY
The
helicopter lands.
JOKER and RAFTERMAN jump out, duck down low
and
move away through pink smoke blown by the
rotor blades.
Marines run
by carrying wounded on stretchers.
JOKER
(to a
sergeant)
Top, we want to get in the shit.
MASTER
SERGEANT
Down the road, two-five.
JOKER
Two-five.
Outstanding! Thanks, Top.
DISSOLVE TO:
64 EXT. ROAD TO HUE--DAY
A
road next to a small canal on the outskirts of
Hue.
Tanks, trucks
and marines are moving into the city
past a column of refugees heading
the other way.
JOKER and RAFTERMAN catch up to a Lieutenant,
salute
him and walk alongside.
JOKER
Excuse me! Sir ... we're
looking for First
Platoon, Hotel two-five. I got a bro named
Cowboy there.
TOUCHDOWN
You people one-one?
JOKER
No, sir. We're reporters for Stars and Stripes.
TOUCHDOWN
Stars and Stripes.
JOKER
Yes, sir.
TOUCHDOWN
I'm Cowboy's platoon commander. Cowboy's
just down
the road in the platoon area.
JOKER
Oh. You mind if we
tag along, sir?
TOUCHDOWN
No problem. Welcome aboard.
By the way, my
name's Schinoski. Walter J. Schinoski. My
people
call me Mister Touchdown. I played a
little ball for Notre Dame.
JOKER
Notre Dame?
TOUCHDOWN
(laughing)
Yeah.
JOKER
All right!
TOUCHDOWN
You
here to make Cowboy famous?
JOKER
Ha! Never happen,
sir.
TOUCHDOWN
Well, if you people came looking for a
story,
this is your lucky day. We got Condition Red
and we're
definitely expecting rain.
JOKER
Outstanding, sir. We
taking care of business?
TOUCHDOWN
Well, the N.V.A. are
dug in deep. Hotel
Company's still working this side of the river.
Street by street and house by house. Charlie's
definitely got his
shit together. But we're still
getting some really decent kills
here.
JOKER
We heard some scuttlebutt, sir, about the
N.V.A. executing a lot of gook civilians.
TOUCHDOWN
That's affirmative. I saw some bodies about
half a klick this side
of Phu Cam Canal.
JOKER
Can you show me where, sir?
TOUCHDOWN
Here's the canal...
65 EXT. MASS GRAVE--DAY
JOKER
stands looking down into a large open grave
at a row of white,
lime-covered corpses.
Journalists, marines and civilians are grouped
around the grave.
A work detail leans on their shovels, their faces
covered with bandanas against the stench.
JOKER
(voice over)
The dead have been covered with lime. The
dead
only know one thing. It is better to be
alive.
JOKER approaches a
young lieutenant-- CLEVES.
JOKER
Excuse me. Good
morning, Lieutenant.
LT. CLEVES
Good morning.
JOKER
I make it twenty. Is that the official body
count, sir?
LT. CLEVES
(sharply)
What outfit are you men with?
JOKER
Sir, we're reporters from Stars and Stripes.
LT.
CLEVES
(warms up)
Oh, I see.
JOKER
I'm
Sergeant Joker and this photographer's
Rafterman.
RAFTERMAN
starts shooting pictures of the
Lieutenant.
LT. CLEVES
I'm Lieutenant Cleves. I'm from Hartford,
Connecticut.
JOKER
Have you got a body count, sir?
LT. CLEVES
We think it's twenty.
JOKER
Do you know how it
happened, sir?
LT. CLEVES
Well, it seems the N.V.A.
came in with a list
of gook names. Government officials,
policemen, ARVN officers, schoolteachers.
They went around their
houses real polite and
asked them to report the next day for
political
re-education. Everybody who turned up got
shot. Some
they buried alive.
A marine COLONEL who has been watching JOKER
turns from the group arourzd the grave and strides
up. JOKER snaps to
attention.
COLONEL
Marine !
LT. CLEVES
Colonel.
COLONEL
Marine, what is that button on your
body
armor?
JOKER
A peace symbol, sir.
COLONEL
Where'd you get it?
JOKER
I don't
remember, sir.
COLONEL
What is that you've got written
on your
helmet?
JOKER
"Born to Kill," sir.
COLONEL
You write "Born to Kill" on your helmet and
you wear a
peace button. What's that
supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?!
JOKER
No, sir.
COLONEL
You'd better get your head
and your ass wired
together, or I will take a giant shit on you!
JOKER
Yes, sir.
COLONEL
Now answer my question or
you'll be standing
tall before the man.
JOKER
I
think I was trying to suggest something
about the duality of man,
sir.
COLONEL
The what?
JOKER
The
duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.
COLONEL
Whose
side are you on, son?
JOKER
Our side, sir.
COLONEL
Don't you love your country?
JOKER
Yes,
sir.
COLONEL
Then how about getting with the program?
Why don't you jump on the team and come
on in for the big win?
JOKER
Yes, sir!
COLONEL
Son, all I've ever asked
of my marines is that
they obey my orders as they would the word
of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese,
because inside every
gook there is an
American trying to get out. It's a hardball
world, son. We've gotta keep our heads until
this peace craze blows
over.
JOKER
Aye-aye, sir.
DISSOLVE TO:
66 EXT.
FIELD--DAY
JOKER and RAFTERMAN Walk through a field
toward a pagoda.
67 EXT. PAGODA--DAY
Marines are moving supplies. Some men are rest-
ing on the ground. A helicopter flies overhead.
Music: Sam the Sham's
"Wooly Bully."
JOKER
Hey, bro, we're looking for First
Platoon,
Hotel two-five.
MARINE
Around the back.
JOKER and RAFTERMAN lualk to the back of the
building.
JOKER
(to another marine)
First Platoon?
MARINE
Yeah, through there.
68 INT. PAGODA COURTYARD--DAY
Through a moon-door opening on to the pagoda
courtyard, We see COWBOY
shauing. Other marines
are sprawled around the courtyard walls.
JOKER walks up behind COWBOY.
JOKER
Hey, Lone Ranger.
COWBOY
Holy shit!
JOKER
You old motherfucker.
COWBOY
It's the JOKER.
JOKER
What's happenin'?
They hug each other.
COWBOY
Boy, I hoped I'd never see
you again, you
piece of shit!
JOKER
(laughs)
What's happening, man?
COWBOY
Oh, I'm
just waiting to get back to the land
of the big PX.
JOKER
Yeah? Well, why go back? Here or there,
samey-same.
COWBOY
Been getting any?
JOKER
Only your sister.
COWBOY
Well, better my sister than my mom, though
my mom's not
bad.
COWBOY leads JOKER to the center of the courtyard.
COWBOY
This is my bro Joker from the Island. And
this is...
JOKER
Rafterman.
COWBOY
...Rafterman. They're from
Stars and
Stripes. They'll make you famous.
Adlibs of "All
right!"
COWBOY
We're the Lusthog Squad. We're
life-takers
and heartbreakers.
Adlibs.
COWBOY
We shoot 'em full of holes and fill 'em full of
lead.
Adlibs of
"Yeah!" etc.
A big grunt, ANIMAL MOTHER, approaches JOKER.
Trouble.
ANIMAL MOTHER
Are you a photographer?
JOKER
No ...
I'm a combat correspondent.
ANIMAL MOTHER
(smiles)
Oh, you seen much combat?
JOKER returns the smile.
JOKER
Well, I've seen a little on TV.
The other marines laugh.
ANIMAL MOTHER
You're a real comedian.
Some more laughs.
JOKER
(pause)
Well, they call me the JOKER.
Adlibs.
"Oooooooooo!" and laughter.
ANIMAL MOTHER
(moves
closer)
Well, I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you
a new
asshole.
Adlibs, laughter.
JOKER
(John. Wayne
voice)
Well, pilgrim ... only after you ... eat the
peanuts out
of my shit!
Loud laughs and shouts.
ANIMAL MOTHER
(moves in close)
You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?
Anticipatory adlibs of "Ooooh!" and "Whoooa!"
EIGHTBALL, a black
grunt, gets up and steps between
JOKER and ANIMAL MOTHER.
EIGHTBALL
(to JOKER)
Now you might not believe it but
under fire
Animal Mother is one of the finest human
beings in
the world.
Laughter.
EIGHTBALL
All he needs is
somebody to throw hand
grenades at him the rest of his life.
Laughter.
EIGHTBALL leads ANIMAL MOTHER away.
COWBOY
(laughing)
Come on, sit down. Come on, new guy.
EIGHTBALL and
ANIMAL MOTHER sit down together.
ANIMAL MOTHER
Hey,
jungle bunny. Thank God for the sickle
cell, huh?
EIGHTBALL
Yeah, mother.
CRAZY EARL sits on the ground next to a
figure
sprawled in a chair.
CRAZY EARL
Hey ...
photographer! You want to take a
good picture? Here, man ... take
this. This
... is my bro.
CRAZY EARL lifts the hat which has
been, covering
the man's face. We see he is a dead N.V.A. soldier.
Laughter.
CRAZY EARL
This is his party. He's the guest
of honor.
Today ... is his birthday.
Adlibs: "Happy Birthday,
zipperhead!" etc.
CRAZY EARL
I will never forget this
day. The day I came
to Hue City and fought one million N.V.A.
gooks. I love the little Commie bastards, man,
I really do. These
enemy grunts are as hard
as slant-eyed drill instructors. These are
great days we're living, bros!'We are jolly
green giants, walking
the earth with guns.
These people we wasted here today ... are
the finest human beings we will ever know.
After we rotate back to
the world, we're gonna
miss not having anyone around that's worth
shooting.
69 EXT. A FIELD, OUTSKIRTS HUE CITY--DAY
COWBOY's platoon,
advancing towards the city in a
sweep formation behind tanks.
Cuts
of the squad, nervous and alert.
Mortar rounds explode ahead.
LIEUTENANT TOUCHDOWN is hit and goes down.
The platoon dives for
cover.
DOC JAY crawls to him and starts mouth-to-mouth.
SERGEANT
MURPHY crawls up, has a look, moves to
the back of the tank and picks
up a field radio.
The platoon stays flat.
MURPHY
Delta Six Actual, this is Murphy. Over. Delta
Six Actual, this is
Murphy. Over.
DELTA SIX
(o.s.)
Delta Six.
MURPHY
Delta Six, we are receiving incoming fire from
the
ville. The Lieutenant is down. We're going
to stop here and check
out what's in front of
us. Over.
CRAZY EARL, keeping low,
scrambles up to the
LUSTHOG SQUAD.
CRAZY EARL
Okay.
Lusthog Squad, listen up! We're gonna
move up these two roads here
and check the
ville. I want the third team up this road here.
First and second fire team behind me up this
other road, okay?
Adlibs of "Right!" and "Okay!"
CRAZY EARL
Let's go!
Let's get it done!
Bending low the squad moves out past the tanks,
leapfrogging toward some ruined buildings a couple
of hundred yards in
front of them.
HAND JOB peers cautiously around the corner of a
house and is killed instantly by a burst of
automatic fire.
ANIMAL
MOTHER opens fire with his M-60 machine
gun at some windows where the
shots came from.
Everyone opens fire, blasting chunks out of the
building with a zillion rounds.
T.H.E. ROCK fires an M-79 grenade,
blowing out a
window.
RAFTERMAN photographs the action, his Nikon
violently shaking.
The fire slackens.
Then it gets quiet.
All
their senses alert, everyone watches the
building, listening hard.
They reload.
As CRAZY EARL reloads he spots six V.C. dashing
across
the street fifty yards away. They are out of
sight in a second.
Having missed his first chance, CRAZY EARL gets
set hoping for another.
Two more V.C. rush out into the open. He fires a
long burst from his
M-16 and they both go down.
CRAZY EARL turns to the squad with a big
grin.
Music: "Surfin' Bird" by the Trashmen. This car-
ries over
through the next scene.
70 EXT. LOW WALL--DAY
The platoon are
hunched down behind a low wall.
Tanks fire at some distant buildings. A
three-man
TV crew, ducking low, moves past them, filming.
JOKER
(John Wayne voice)
Is that you, John Wayne? Is
this me?
COWBOY
Hey, start the cameras. This is
"Vietnam--
the Movie!"
EIGHTBALL
Yeah, Joker can
be John Wayne. I'll be a
horse!
DONLON
T.H.E. Rock
can be a rock!
T.H.E. ROCK
I'll be Ann-Margret!
DOC JAY
Animal Mother can be a rabid buffalo!
CRAZY
EARL
I'll be General Custer!
RAFTERMAN
Well,
who'll be the Indians?
ANIMAL MOTHER
Hey, we'll let the
gooks play the Indians!
Laughter.
71 EXT. HUE CITY RUINS--DAY
The bodies of LIEUTENANT TOUCHDOWN and HAND
JOB laid out on ground
sheets. The LUSTHOG SQUAD
are gathered around them. The camera moves to
each man, pausing for them to speak.
T.H.E. ROCK
You're
going home now.
Camera move.
CRAZY EARL
Semper fi.
Camera move.
DONLON
We're mean marines, sir.
Camera
move.
EIGHTBALL
Go easy, bros.
Camera move.
ANIMAL MOTHER
Better you than me.
RAFTERMAN
Well,
at least they died for a good cause.
ANIMAL MOTHER
What
cause was that?
RAFTERMAN
Freedom.
ANIMAL
MOTHER
Flush out your head gear, new guy. You think
we waste
gooks for freedom? This is a
slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls
blown off
for a word ... my word is "poontang."
COWBOY
Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to
get shipped out on a
medical.
JOKER
What was the matter with him?
COWBOY
He was jerkin' off ten times a day.
EIGHTBALL
It's no shit. At least ten times a day.
COWBOY
Last
week he was sent down to Da Nang to
see the Navy head shrinker, and
the crazy
fucker starts jerking off in the waiting room.
Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for
his papers to clear
division.
72 EXT. HUE CITY--VARIOUS PLACES--DAY
The television crew
interviews members of the
LUSTHOG SQUAD.
REPORTER
You
ready?
CAMERAMAN
Yeah.
REPORTER
Turnover.
CAMERAMAN
Rolling.
REPORTER
Hue City interviews. Roll thirty-four.
ANIMAL MOTHER
Well ... like, like you see, you know, it's a
major city, so we have
to assault with, uh ...
tanks. So, they send us in first squad ...
to
make sure that there are no little Vietnamese
waiting with,
like, B-40 rockets that blow the
tanks away. So we clear it out and
we roll the
tanks in and ... basically, blow the place to
hell.
(chuckles)
COWBOY
When we're in Hue ... when we're in
Hue City
... it's like a war. You know like what I
thought
about a war, what I thought a war
was, was supposed to be. There's
the enemy,
kill 'em.
RAFTERMAN
Well, I don't think
there's any question about
it. I mean we're the best. I mean all
that
bullshit about the Air Cav ... When the shit
really hits
the fan, who do they call? They call
Mother Green and her killing
machine!
CRAZY EARL
Do I think America belongs in
Vietnam? Um
... I don't know. I belong in Vietnam. I'll tell
you that.
DOC JAY
Can I quote L.B.J.?
REPORTER
Sure.
DOC JAY
(imitating L.B.J.)
"I will not send American boys eight or ten
thousand miles around
the world to do a job
that Asian boys oughtta be doin' for
themselves."
EIGHTBALL
Personally, I think, uh ... they
don't really
want to be involved in this war. I mean ...
they
sort of took away our freedom and gave it
to the, to the gookers,
you know. But they
don't want it. They'd rather be alive than free,
I guess. Poor dumb bastards.
COWBOY
Well, the ones I'm
... I'm fighting at are some
pretty bad boys. I'm not real keen on
... some
of these fellows that are . . . supposed to be on
our
side. I keep meeting'em coming the other
way. Yeah.
DONLON
I mean, we're getting killed for these people
and they
don't even appreciate it. They think
it's a big joke.
ANIMAL MOTHER
Well, if you ask me, uh, we're shooting the
wrong
gooks.
RAFTERMAN
Well, it depends on the situation. I
mean,
I'm--I'm here to take combat photos. But if
the shit gets
too thick, I mean, I'll go to the
rifle.
ANIMAL MOTHER
What do I think about America's involvement
in the war? Well, I
think we should win.
COWBOY
I hate Vietnam. There's not
one horse in this
whole country. They don't have one horse in
Vietnam. There's something basically wrong
with that.
(laughs)
ANIMAL MOTHER
Well, if they'd send us more
guys and maybe
bomb the hell out of the North, they might,
uh,
they might give up.
JOKER
I wanted to see exotic
Vietnam, the jewel of
Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture
and ... kill them. I
wanted to be the first kid
on my block to get a confirmed kill.
73
EXT. WRECKED MOVIE THEATER--DAY
The marines are seated outside the
theater on rows
of broken movie seats.
A motor-scooter, driven by a
young ARVN soldier
with a pretty teenage Vietnamese HOOKER sitting
behind him, and pulls up in front of the LUSTHOG
SQUAD.
The girl
gets off slowly, swinging her hips as she
walks.
Adlibs, hoots anal
hollers.
COWBOY
Ten-hut!
More hoots and hollers.
COWBOY
Good morning, little schoolgirl. I'm a little
schoolboy,
too.
Adlibs and laughter.
COWBOY
What you got there,
chief!
The girl stands facing them, hands on hips.
ARVN
PIMP
Do you want number one fuckee?
Adlibs and laughter.
COWBOY
Hey, any of you boys want number one
fuckee?
Adlibs.
JOKER
Oh, I'm so horny. I can't even get a piece of
hand.
DONLON
Hey! Hey! Me want suckee.
ARVN PIMP
Suckee,
fuckee, smoke cigarette in the
pussy, she give you everything you
want. Long
time.
Laughter.
COWBOY
Everything
you want! All right! How much
there, chief!
ARVN PIMP
Fifteen dolla each.
Adlibs: "Nooooooo!"
COWBOY
Number ten. Fifteen dolla beaucoup money.
Laughter.
COWBOY
Five dolla each.
ARVN PIMP
Come on. She
love you good. Boom-boom long
time. Ten dolla.
COWBOY
Five dolla.
ARVN PIMP
No. Ten dolla.
COWBOY
Be glad to trade you some ARVN rifles. Never
been fired
and only dropped once.
Laughter and derisive adlibs.
ARVN
PIMP
(angry)
Okay, five dolla. You give me.
Adlibs.
COWBOY
Okay, okay!
EIGHTBALL, a black grunt, walks up to the
girl.
EIGHTBALL
Let's get mounted.
HOOKER
(speaks in Vietnamese)
ARVN PIMP
(argues in
Vietnamese)
EIGHTBALL
Something wrong there, chief?
ARVN PIMP
She says, uh, no boom-boom with soul
brotha.
EIGHTBALL
Hey, what the mother fuck?
ARVN PIMP
She
say soul brotha too boo-coo. Too boo-coo.
EIGHTBALL
Hey, what is this, man?
COWBOY
(breaiting up)
I think what he's trying to tell you is that
you black boys pack too
much meat.
Laughter.
ARVN PIMP
Too boo-coo. Too
boo-coo.
EIGHTBALL
Oh, shi-i-i-t! (laughs) This
baby-san looks
like she could suck the chrome off a trailer
hitch.
Laughter.
ARVN PIMP
She say too boo-coo. Too
boo-coo.
EIGHTBALL
Uh, excuse me, ma'am. Now what we
have
here, little yellow sister, is a magnificent...
(takes out his dick)
. . specimen of pure Alabama blacksnake.
But it ain't too goddamn boo-coo.
The girl looks at it.
Hoots and
catcalls.
TEENAGE HOOKER
Okay. Okay. Emjee.
More
hoots.
COWBOY
(mimicking Vietnamese word)
Okay! Okay! Emjee! Emjee!
Adlibs of "Emjee."
EIGHTBALL starts to
lead her away.
EIGHTBALL
All right! This is my boogie!
COWBOY
Hey, we need a batting order.
ANIMAL MOTHER grabs the
girl's arm, EIGHTBALL
holds on to the other one.
ANIMAL
MOTHER
I'm going first.
EIGHTBALL
Hey, now back
off, white bread. Don't get
between a dog and his meat.
ANIMAL
MOTHER slaps EIGHTBALL on the wrist like
he's a naughty boy and pushes
the girl into the
movie theater.
ANIMAL MOTHER
(jokingly)
All fucking niggers must fucking hang.
Adlibs of "Fuck
you!" and laughter.
ANIMAL MOTHER
Hey, hey! I won't be
long. I'll skip the
foreplay.
