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The Greatest Funeral on Earth
Step right up! Step right up!
Who can dress the best?
Cry the hardest?
Grieve the most sincere?
The pictures beg to differ but today is about you
Lost in the acrobatics of sadness
The mastery of dry heaves
The spectacle of heavy sobs
Is the real importance: you
God willing you will be stricken with cancer
Leave behind a husband and child
And people can talk about your impending luncheon with the Lord
That is the true blessing
Clad in zebra print and costume jewelry
Stevie Wonder swaying to hymns on this morning of mourning
Baptist convulsions when the music dies down
You are the star of the show
Reflect the spotlight from the casket
Demand the ringmaster’s gaze
She can’t dance like you
If only you could captivate an audience like this
Take up sky-diving
Or gang banging
Charm snakes in Morocco
Clean sewers in Calcutta
Enlist in the Army
Let’s sell some tickets
Let’s expedite your blessing
Or meet me in a small, dark, quiet room
I will do it for you
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