Tekst piosenki
I am relieved to finally have the resources to properly write this piece. Yesterday’s segment was done in an LA coffee shop with terrible bandwidth, I almost had a stroke trying to get everything completed. I had an amazing opportunity to attend a show called „Facebook” at the UCB (Upright Citizens Brigade) theater. It featured two of my favorite comedic performers Paul Scheer, and Rob Huebel. After leaving the coffee shop I had to kill time before the start of the show. I opted to wait in a bar where I was able to watch game 2 of the World Series. While enjoying my chicken pesto panini a homeless man decides to sit next to me. The guy is 50 years old slamming PBRs and leaving sporadically to smoke his Maverick Reds. He is the only person in the whole bar screaming as the Royals hit their way to victory. His body odor was so bad, I almost threw up all over the bar. What made it worse, was his constant clapping and throwing his fists in the air. The scented gift he decided to share with me from under his arm pits, kept wafting towards me with every successful play the Royals executed. I am so repulsed I am praying the Royals start tanking or the game ends in the 5th inning somehow. I order two shots of deodorant from the bar. I know this segment is typically about my high thoughts before I go to bed but his stench was so overwhelming, I caught a contact high. The rotten onions he must keep under his arms made me so light headed, I assumed this is what pounding 10 Valium feels like. With that, lets begin.
I am watching an R-Kelly interview online. Throughout the interview they keep referring to him by his nickname, „The Pied Piper of R&B”. I was aware of him being deemed „The Pied Piper of R&B” in the past, he proudly boasts his nickname 30 seconds into „Step in the Name of Love”. The first thing that came to my head was, „Is the best course of action for a man who has been trying to shake the reputation of being a child molester, to dawn a nickname based on a fable, where a man lures children into a dark cave using his music as a violent, manipulative tool?” Probably not…
I find my way to amazon instant video. They are pushing horror movies pretty hard for the month of October. I overlook the Purge, a movie that makes absolutely no sense and notice Scream, the second title on the list. I opt to revisit a 6th grade classic.
Within the first 5 minutes of the film, I realize the scream killer is just a bad phone sex operator with knives.
Drew Barrymore is supposed to be an 18 years old high school girl, thats a long shot. Her face is the most prominent on the cover and she gets top billing. This is so misleading considering she is in the movie for 5 minutes. What a cheap ploy to get asses in seats.
They passed her 35 year old boyfriend off as a „high-schooler” by throwing a letterman jacket on him. Seamless. BTW that part of “Steve” her boyfriend who’s only scene is 30 seconds as he gets his stomach cut open is an imbd credit. I feel bad for everyone who has to hear about this guy’s „hollywood conquests” at dinner parties.
Cell phones would have saved 90% of the lives lost in horror movies before 2002.
Remembering the Scream Killer (Spoilers).
I can’t watch this anymore, the scariest part about this movie, is that it was made in 1996.
Amazon is pushing a ton of 90’s childhood comedies as well. Babys day out, fuuuuuck yeeeeeees. I initially thought, the movie should be called, „Shitty Parents, We Lost Our Baby”. Then I realized, every single 90s movie was based about terrible parenting.
Home Alone (a flawless film)
Home Alone Two – We done fucked up again, Lost in New York
Richie Rich
Blank Check
Hook
Mrs. Doubtfire
Rookie of the Year
JINGLE ALL THE WAY
80s babies, if you hold any resentment towards your parents, this is most likely why. Hollywood corrupted our fragile little minds. Now take some time out of the day to call your Mom and Dad and let them know you love them.
This will be the last update until Monday, I need to help some of the guys around the website with a few projects. Thanks for the support and see you in a few days!
Fin.
Komentarze (0)